


it's just you, it's just me

by zhedang



Series: Attack on Queerplatonic Relationship [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Canon Era, M/M, Post-Canon, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhedang/pseuds/zhedang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa was the one who put the idea into his head. "Eren," she said. "Are you in love with Captain Levi?"</p><p>(A prequel to "lay with me, stay with me" because the world needs more asexual ereri.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's just you, it's just me

**Author's Note:**

> I received so many kind comments on "lay with me, stay with me" that I decided I wanted to do an entire trilogy of asexual ereri oneshots. All three of the fics can be read on their own though.
> 
> Sometimes, I post fics without even proof-reading them. Yeah, I guess you could say I live dangerously.

Mikasa was the one who put the idea into his head.

“Eren,” she said, her voice unnaturally level in a way Eren knew meant he couldn’t escape the upcoming conversation. “Are you in love with Captain Levi?”

Eren looked up from the potato he was peeling. “...No,” he answered, but it came out sounding more like a question. “Why?”

She jabbed her knife into the potato she was working on to pick out an eye. “I’ve been watching you two lately.”

“Doing what?” Eren strained his memory, trying to recall if he’d done anything with Levi recently that was even remotely compromising.

“Nothing in particular.” Mikasa flicked her blade in a dismissive manner, flinging the potato eye down onto the frozen earth. “You just...” She paused, glancing at him with a gaze full of careful assessment.

“What?” Eren demanded.

Mikasa resumed peeling her potato, deftly removing the remaining skin so that it fell off in one solid piece. “You spend more time with him than you do with me or Armin.”

That was rich coming from her. “You spend more time with Sasha than with me. And Armin spends more than with Jean,” Eren said, careful to keep his tone empty of any anger or jealousy.

Mikasa glanced up at him, her lips pressed together thinly with restrained amusement. “Eren, think about what you just said for a minute.”

“...Oh.”

She tossed the long peel into the growing pile between their feet and grabbed a new potato. “You see why I was wondering if you like him?”

Eren finished off his potato with a few haphazard hacks of his knife. “Well, I’m not in love with him. And, before you start, he’s not in love with me either. We’re--” Then he stopped short. _Friends_ was not quite right. Armin, Historia, and Connie were friends. Levi was not a friend. But _comrades_ was far too impersonal and _brothers_ completely missed the mark.

Eren didn’t know what he and Levi were to each other.

“All right, I just wanted to ask. Relax before you slice off another finger.”

Eren huffed, setting the peeled potato aside. “That was one time.” However, as he picked up the next potato, he carefully positioned his fingers away from the knife blade.

Mikasa gave him a pointed look. “It was twice, which is two times too many to lop off your own finger.”

“It was still attached that second time, so that doesn’t count.”

“Did Eren cut off a finger again?” Armin asked from behind them. He sat down beside Mikasa, his cheeks flushed pink from the chilly air and his hair windswept and tangled from horseback riding. He’d been gone all day with the research team, trying to wrap up his current project before he got sent off to the western division for a temporary assignment. Eren wasn’t clear on the exact details on Armin’s upcoming project, but he suspected it had something to do with the fact that Jean was being transferred to the division in the west.

“He better not,” Mikasa said. “If he bleeds all over the food, Sasha will complain.”

Armin snorted, finger-combing his bangs and brushing them out of his face. “Eren only cares if Captain Levi will complain.”

That was just too much for Eren. Digging out a potato eye with perhaps more force than necessary, he demanded, “Do you think I’m in love with him too?”

Armin blinked, then glanced between Eren and Mikasa as though wondering what exactly he’d interrupted. “If you say you’re not, then no. But I had been wondering. You two are really close.”

Eren sighed, wondering where people found the time and energy to waste on speculating about other people’s love lives. “Of course we’re close, we’ve been together this whole time.”

“I have a theory about that,” Armin said, picking up a few stray potato peels by Mikasa’s feet and putting them in the pile where they belonged.

“What?”

“It’s strange that you two always end up in the same divisions and on the same assignments. I mean, it’s not like you’re still under his guard. But something I heard from Moblit makes me think Commander Hange must be setting it up that way on purpose.”

Eren shook his head. “Levi wouldn’t ask them to do that.”

“He wouldn’t,” Armin agreed. “But the Commander would do it if they thought he’d like it.”

Armin had a point there. Hange’s attempts to be helpful were usually both pushy and presumptuous. Still, considering the duration of time, it felt a little unbelievable. The only things Hange devoted that much effort to were the Survey Corps itself and their pet projects. “Maybe Commander Hange is experimenting on us.”

Levi’s voice rang out from behind Eren, making both him and Armin jump a little. “What’s the four-eyes doing now?” he asked.

Eren stared up at Levi blankly, wondering how long he’d been there. Fortunately, Mikasa was completely unflustered and answered for him. “We’ve had potatoes everyday for over a month. Isn’t that a little odd?”

Levi snorted. “As long as we’re eating, I don’t really care what it is. With the way the snow’s been coming down, we could end up cut off from supplies and gnawing on tree bark.” He sat down next to Eren, right foot firmly planted on the ground and left foot stuck out at an awkward angle, a pose Eren recognized immediately.

His ankle was hurting.

Armin started saying something about the supplies. Eren very carefully pressed the toe of his boot against Levi’s. The pressure was so light that most people wouldn’t notice, but Levi never missed much-- especially not a clear signal like this.

Sure enough, Levi inclined his head slightly as he responded to Armin, one hand curling into a loose fist with a single finger standing free. After dinner then.

Eren tapped Levi’s foot twice to show he’d understood, then returned his focus to the potato in his hands. He felt Mikasa’s gaze on him, but refused to look up.

=====

“What did you do?” Eren demanded, aghast. He’d thought that Levi’s ankle was just sore like usual. It tended to flare up when the weather turned foul, after all. But when Levi shucked off his boot to reveal his foot, his ankle was flushed pink, tender and warm to the touch. “It’s swollen.”

Levi was very deliberately not looking at him. “I slipped on some ice.”

“You--” Eren couldn’t help it: he laughed. The thought of Levi-- who was so graceful in their air and so controlled on the ground-- slipping on a patch of ice was just ludicrous. Eren almost wished he’d been there to see it.

Levi tolerated his laughter for a few moments before shoving Eren’s shoulder. “Shut it, shithead.”

“Sorry,” Eren said, not sorry at all. He managed to at least reduce his broad grin to something more subdued.  “When did this happen? You didn’t walk around on it all day, did you?”

Levi didn’t answer, instead propping up his leg so that his foot sat in Eren’s lap. Eren obliged him and began gently rubbing the area around the swollen joint, but he prompted him again with a stern, “ _Levi._ ”

“Around noon. I didn’t realize how bad it was until later. Spent most of the day on horseback anyway.” Levi grimaced, toes twitching, when Eren applied a touch too much pressure on a tender spot. Eren stopped immediately, rubbing tiny circles on a safe area in apology.

“We’ll have to wrap it. Luckily there’s no lack of snow, so keeping it cold won’t be a problem.” Eren knew better than to suggest Levi take it easy the next couple of days. He made a mental note to find Hange before he went to sleep and tell them about it. The Commander could think up some sort of light duty for Levi to do without being too obvious.

Levi just hummed in response to Eren’s words, head tipping backwards and eyes closing as Eren continued the massage. Eren took the opportunity to examine him, Mikasa’s question still echoing in his mind. What did it feel like to be in love anyway? He’d told Mikasa that he wasn’t in love with Levi because he didn’t have any massive, all-encompassing feelings surrounding the man, but maybe romantic love didn’t have to be a big thing.

Eren had experienced crushes before. At least, he assumed they were crushes. Men and women that he felt kind of awkward around, always wanting to impress them and not embarrass himself. If he let his mind wander, he’d think about touching their shoulders or face or hands, maybe even kissing them.

But the feeling never lasted long. Inevitably, he would get distracted with something else for a while and before he knew it, the crush was completely gone. It didn’t matter to him anyway. Eren always had more important things to be doing and had never understood how people could be so obsessed with romance and sex when there was a war going on. Well, there wasn’t a war going on anymore, but everyone was still busy. And yet people were hooking up left and right-- Mikasa and Armin included-- leaving Eren baffled. He just didn’t get it.

“Have you ever loved someone?” Eren asked Levi. “Been in love, I mean.”

Levi lifted his head up just enough to look at Eren. “No.”

“Oh. Okay.” Eren smoothed his finger along a harness scar on the side of Levi’s foot then moved his hands up a little higher to work on Levi’s tense calf. When he glanced up, Levi was watching him with a narrow eyed, expectant gaze. “What?”

“You can’t just ask a question like that and not follow up, Eren.”

Eren dug his fingers into a knot of muscle. “I was just wondering what being in love was supposed to feel like, but I guess you can’t help me.”

Levi’s eyes were tired and heavy-lidded, but for the briefest moment the corner of his mouth crooked up into a smile before flattening out again. “No,” he said, tipping his head back once more. “I can’t. You should ask Hange, they fall in love almost once a month.”

=====

“I do not fall in love once a month!” Hange declared, hair hanging loose and wild around their shoulders. “I fall in love maybe four times a year. Six at most.”

“Right. Okay.” Eren shifted his weight, wondering what to do with his hands. It was odd being in the Commander’s tent without some sort of briefing going on, especially so late at night. He’d been hoping that Hange would still be poring over data or something, but he’d caught them preparing for bed instead. “So what does being in love feel like then?”

Hange removed their glasses and rubbed at the bridge of their nose. “Well, for me, it’s kind of like this _bwaaah_ feeling.” They waved both hands in a wide semi-circle over their head, glasses clutched precariously in one fist. “That’s how it is at first. And then it kind of settles down into this _hmmmmm_ feeling,” they continued, wrapping themself into a tight hug. “Does that make sense?”

“...No.”

“Well, it’s different for everyone, I think.” Hange tossed the glasses aside to safety and crossed their legs. “Some people say that being in love is like… hm, well you want to be around them all the time and you think about them all day. Or you want to touch them in ways you usually don’t want to touch people. There’s sex, of course, but obviously you can want to sleep with someone without being in love. Oh, maybe they give you a warm feeling in your chest or butterflies in your stomach. Stuff like that, you know?”

Eren still didn’t really get it, but he nodded anyway.

“Well, if that’s all...” Hange said, yawning.

Eren remembered the original reason for his quick visit to Hange. “Oh, sorry, Commander. One more thing. You didn’t hear this from me, but Levi’s ankle is pretty swollen. He probably shouldn’t walk around much for a while.”

Hange cocked an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Slipped on ice apparently.”

Hange chuckled. “That’s not like him at all. I’m not that surprised though.” They stifled another yawn. “He’s been really tired lately.”

“I’ve noticed. Has he said anything about it?”

Hange shrugged. “Probably just the cold.”

“What do you mean?” Eren knew that Levi hated winter on principle, but he didn’t see what that had to do with him being tired.

“Hard to get a good night’s sleep if you’re freezing.” Hange blinked and then sat up straight, suddenly wide awake. “Eren! I still haven’t done temperature experiments with you! You don’t get cold easily, right? But how cold does it have to be for you to feel cold? And can you withstand heat better too?” They began digging around for their journal devoted to notes on Eren, mumbling data from the solar studies they’d done on Eren a couple years ago.

But Eren backed out of the tent, hands up. “Sorry, maybe later, Commander! I’ve got to go to bed!”

=====

It wasn’t until the next morning that Eren realized what Hange meant about freezing. He noticed for the first time that there were more pairs emerging from tents than usual-- even groups. For a moment, he wondered if everyone had suddenly become ridiculously horny and then it clicked: body heat. People were sleeping together to stay warm.

And Levi wasn’t sleeping with anyone. Eren was sure of that. He may not be the most observant person, but he would’ve noticed if someone besides him had suddenly started going in and out Levi’s tent. Levi didn’t like bringing people into his private space. Hange was the only other person who frequented Levi’s tent besides Eren.

Eren pondered this as he stirred his lumpy porridge. Hange was Levi’s friend. He was certain of this. So did Levi think of Eren as a friend too? Or something different? It’d be easier to just ask Levi what he thought of Eren as, but Eren couldn’t think of a way to do it that wouldn’t be incredibly embarrassing. Not to mention that it almost felt as though once they started analyzing and picking apart their relationship, it would become… awkward. Best to just go with what felt natural and not question things so much.

But he still couldn’t get Mikasa’s question out of his head.

When Armin sat down next to him, still bleary eyed, Eren asked him, “Do you think Levi would sleep with me?”

Armin paused in the middle of drinking his tea. He blinked at Eren, then swallowed what he had in his mouth. “It is way too early in the morning for you to suddenly have an interest in sex.”

“Not sex,” Eren groaned. “I mean sleep, actually sleep. It’s freezing at night, right?”

“Oh.” Armin shook his head and took another long gulp of tea. “I don’t know. He doesn’t really seem like a cuddler. But I think if he’d sleep with anyone, it’d be you. He’s...” Armin stared off into distance over the rim of his mug, searching for the right word. “...comfortable with you.”

“He hasn’t been sleeping well,” Eren explained, dragging his spoon through the thick porridge. “My body temperature is pretty high, so I could probably keep him warm.”

“Yeah...” Armin drained the rest of his drink, then wrapped both of his gloved hands around the mug. “But, you know, it’s not your job to take care of him. He can take care of himself.”

Eren shrugged. “I know. But just because he doesn’t need it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve it.” Besides, Levi was always looking after Eren too. He talked Hange out of their more sketchy experimentation plans and made sure there was enough food left for Eren if he was out late. He’d saved Eren’s life more times than he could count. He made sure Eren rested after shifting and kept Eren company when everyone else was away on different assignments or just... busy with their own lives.

Eren wasn’t mad at Mikasa and Armin for getting together with Sasha and Jean. But it was kind of sad to stand on the sidelines as someone else took up more and more of their time and attention. It used to be Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. Now it was Mikasa and Sasha, Armin and Jean, and Eren.

He wanted someone of his own too. And Levi was the closest thing to that he had, even though the relationship wasn’t the same as Mikasa’s and Armin’s.

“Why don’t you just ask him about the sleeping then?” Armin suggested. “Worst that could happen is he says no, right?”

No, Eren thought. That wasn’t right. The worst that could happen was Levi getting creeped out and decided that he needed to back away from Eren. After all, sleeping with someone-- even just to stay warm at night-- was very different from massaging someone’s sore joints or touching their shoulder to get their attention. It was more… intimate. Like holding hands. And while Eren was okay with the idea of sleeping with Levi and holding his hand and stuff, he had no idea what Levi would be all right with.

But Eren was no stranger to risks. So he stopped playing with his breakfast, ate, and found Levi in his tent reviewing supply reports.

Levi didn’t even look up at him. “Hange woke me up with a whole stack of these,” Levi grumbled. “Apparently Moblit was supposed to go through them all to make sure we’re good for the rest of winter, but he got busy with something else. Look at all these, this is going to take days.”

Hange always did move fast. Eren stared down at Levi’s bent head, wondering how in the world to start. He was suddenly keenly-- uncomfortably-- aware that he was about to proposition a commanding officer, technically speaking, and ended up blurting out, “Captain.”

That made Levi look up, one eyebrow arched high. Eren restrained the urge to wince. He hadn’t called Levi “Captain” in private for nearly four years, not since Levi had asked him to stop.

“What is it?” Levi asked, glancing down at Eren’s hands.

Eren realized he was wringing his hands and put them behind his back, clasping them in parade rest. The posture made him straighten his back and shoulders, so he took a deep breath. “I just wanted to ask if… well, if you wanted to sleep with me?” Levi just stared at him. After the most painfully awkward moment of his life, Eren rambled on. “I don’t really get that cold, so I haven’t been sleeping with anyone. I think it’s a little strange to sleep with other people anyway. But I wouldn’t mind if it was you.”

Levi was very still, whole body tensed in a manner that Eren knew meant he was feeling at least half as awkward and nervous as Eren was. His eyes flicked over Eren from top to bottom and then his limbs began to loosen. “All right.”

“All right?”

“Yeah.”

Eren unclasped his hands to let them hang loosely at his sides, unable to keep a silly grin off his face. “Okay. Good. Well, I’m supposed to accompany team Charlie out east today, so I’ve got to head out. So… I guess I’ll see you tonight?”

Levi nodded and Eren retreated before he made a fool of himself.

=====

Eren spent most of the day convincing himself that he was blowing the entire thing out of proportion in his head. Really, sleeping together wasn’t such a big deal. He’d cried on Levi’s shoulder, for fuck’s sake. Sharing body heat was nothing compared to that.

This was all Mikasa’s fault anyway. Mikasa and her ridiculous question. She’d gotten him all worked up and made him over-analyze everything. It never would’ve even crossed his mind to wonder if he was in love with Levi until she’d said something and now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Had he gotten embarrassed in Levi’s tent because he was crushing on him? Was he okay with sleeping with Levi because he liked him? Did he want to take care of Levi and stay with him because he was in love?

By the time he was standing in Levi’s tent again, bedroll tucked under his arm, he hadn’t gotten closer to any answers and his frustration and nerves were canceling each other out. “So,” he said, unfolding his bedroll beside Levi’s. “How do you want to do this?”

“What do you mean?” Levi asked, pulling his shirt over his head. “We’re just sleeping.”

“I mean, do you have any preferences?” Levi stared at him blankly, so Eren elaborated. “You know, big spoon or little spoon, a certain side, on your back…?”

“I don’t care. Why make it complicated?” Levi sat down on his bedroll and unraveled the wrap on his ankle.

“Is it still swollen?” Eren asked. It was hard to tell with just the dim lamp light.

“Getting better.” He stuck his leg out towards Eren and Eren gently felt around his ankle. The swelling did seem to have gone down, though it still felt tender.

“You know,” Levi said, voice flat and calm. “You don’t have to tell on me to Hange. And you don’t have to keep me warm. I can handle myself just fine.”

Eren peered at what he could see of Levi’s face in the dark. His brows weren’t furrowed together, so Eren figured he was more amused than annoyed. “Sorry. I just worry about you.” He squeezed Levi’s leg a safe distance away from his sore ankle. “You’re important to me.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t mind. It’s just...” Levi trailed off, then straightened his legs out and brushed his bangs out of his face. “Forget it. Let’s just go to bed.”

“Okay.” Eren waited for Levi to put out the lamp and lay down and then did the same, careful to maintain a couple inches of space between them. Levi arranged both of their blankets over them, kicking at the end to get them to cover Eren’s feet and grumbling about how tall Eren was. Eren snickered into his pillow, but once Levi was satisfied and stopped, Eren found himself wondering what he should do. Should he spoon Levi? Would Levi be opposed to cuddling? When Levi had agreed to sleeping with Eren, what exactly had he imagined that entailing?

“You’re tense,” Levi murmured.

“Yeah,” Eren said. His mouth felt kind of dry. “I don’t usually do stuff like this.”

“Me neither.” Levi rolled over onto his other side, facing away from Eren. “Relax. It’s just you and me. Can’t exactly fuck up sleeping anyway.”

 _Just you and me._ You and me. Eren and Levi. Eren liked the sound of that. After a moment of hesitation, he scooted closer to press lightly along the length of Levi’s body, then put one arm around Levi’s torso. If Levi didn’t like that, he’d say so, Eren decided.

Levi didn’t move away or shrug off Eren’s arm. Instead, Eren felt him breathe in and out deeply, then he touched Eren’s hand. Didn’t hold it or anything. Just touched it, a single gentle stroke down the back of Eren’s hand and along his fingers. That was fine. That was pretty nice, actually.

Mikasa’s question floated back into Eren’s mind. _Are you in love with Captain Levi?_ Eren didn’t think so. But really, what did it matter? Being together like this, just the two of them, was more than good enough for Eren.

“Goodnight, Eren,”  Levi said. Eren was close enough to feel his low voice rumbling through his chest.

Eren smiled into the dark and closed his eyes. “Goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> They lack the terminology to describe themselves as such, but in this fic: Levi - aromantic, sex-repulsed asexual / Eren - grey-romantic, sex-neutral asexual / they’re essentially in a queerplatonic relationship
> 
> Now, on a more personal note:
> 
> Although I'm pretty much entirely aromantic, even I sometimes question myself-- mostly just because society tells me that I should develop romantic feelings for people I'm close to. It's natural to question yourself, but at the end of the day, I think being comfortable with yourself and your relationships is more important than having a definite, 110% certain answer.
> 
> Overall, I tend to identify more with Levi in this series (with the exception of not being sex repulsed), but Eren's sadness about watching his family and friends become more involved with romantic partners is very much mine. To be honest, I often became very frustrated with my sister because she tended to focus entirely on her boyfriends when she was younger and I always feel a terrible sense of satisfaction when my close friends break up with a partner. I hate feeling that way because it makes me feel like an awful, possessive person. But the fact is that it's just easy to feel left out when you're the only person without a "plus one." (I don't interfere with their relationships though because I'm not an asshole, haha.)
> 
> Anyway. I hope you guys enjoyed getting some perspective from Eren's end. Thanks for reading and being so supportive of my stories.


End file.
